On Marriage Part II

Happiness in Marriage

Why is marriage so important? Why do people want to get married? It seems anymore, with a divorce rate well over fifty percent and a large number of people living together, without the benefit of marriage, there seems to be a ‘throw away’ attitude of not seeing the ‘value’ of marriage.

I came across a pamphlet years ago of which I’m going to relate, in part, verbatim:

‘Ask any young couple today why they want to get married and practically without exception the answer will be, “We want to be happy.” They are right. Marriage should bring them happiness. But are they sure they know what happiness means and how to find it? If marriage is to result in happiness and contentment, it must be prepared for just as any vocation or state in life. Preparation for marriage, or any other calling in life, out to begin in early childhood, because such preparation is part of the general training to meet one’s problems I life. In particular, the cultivation of certain personality traits is important as a preparation for marriage to insure harmony and peaceful order in the family.
The first of these traits is self-control and self-sacrifice. Happiness in marriage requires that two people, two individual personalities, learn too adjust to each other. This can be achieved mainly by the constancy with which they show patience, consideration and forbearance for each other. Naturally, this means that each must deny himself and sacrifice some of his wishes. One of the biggest tragedies in married life results from the fact that one or both of the parties have not learned to respect the wishes and the rights of others. It is only through unselfish love that happiness can be hoped for in marriage.
It is equally important, as part of one’s preparation for marriage, to be trained in simplicity; in other words, to know how to enjoy the simple things of life, how to be satisfied with little, and how to manage on a small income, if necessary. Financial problems are frequently a great source of trouble in married life, but the situation becomes disastrous only when the married couple does not want to or know how to live within their means. Young people with a modest income who dream about two-carat diamond rings, expensive cars and clothes and vacations, are certainly not going to find much happiness in marriage. They refuse to realize that the family budget must be made to fit the actual income. On the other hand, if a young couple has been trained to appreciate the simple things of life, if they have been trained to be thrifty and to enjoy work, they can safely venture into marriage, even on a modest income.
A third essential preparation for a happy marriage is training in chastity. Whatever a person’s moral background may be, whether be is a Catholic, a non-Catholic or even a modern pagan, no one will deny the fact that a youth spent in moral chastity and continence is a solid foundation for a happy marriage. Conversely, a dissolute youth spent in violation of the Sixth commandment is frequently one of the greatest causes of misery and tragedy in married life. The best, common-sense way to assure sexual health and happiness after marriage is to live purely before marriage. This is a recognized fact. Furthermore, the spiritual strength one acquires in the struggle for chastity will serve in good stead after marriage at those times when self-control and forbearance are necessary.”

A couple of caveats: one of the best lines I’ve ever heard in regards to the above mentioned paragraph on “finances” came from my mother-in-law when my father-in-law confronted her about writing checks when there was no money in the checking account. Her response was, “…well then put more money in the checking account.” Seems obvious to me.

But in all seriousness, I have to admit that there are times when there is ‘no money’ to put into the checking account. And yet, looking back on my married life, they were some of the most wonderful times in our life together. I hear from so many young people today that they can’t get married because their careers haven’t kicked into high gear, or they don’t have a house, or they want to see the world. All those things have happened to Marilyn and me, together, in spades. There is nothing like being down to your last four or five bucks and you decide that you’d rather spend the money on a relatively inexpensive bottle of wine, with candles lit on your only piece of furniture—a piano bench (yes there was a piano with it but it was an upright) and you were both happy. Live simply.