Marriage: A Path to Eternal Life
Again, from that pamphlet I’ve been telling you about:
“Happiness in marriage is something which must be earned; it does not come as a free bonus with the marriage license. It must be worked for. It must be paid for with self-sacrifice. One might visualize marriage as a pyramid—with pleasure, joy and happiness forming two of the sides, and suffering, forbearance and forgiveness forming the other two—while love is the crowning apex of it all.
Even as suffering is part of every individual life, so it is also part of the life of every family. There are times when sickness enters the home and threatens the life of one of the members. Everyone knows what pain and anguish the entire family goes through then. There are times when the family finances are low. It is then that the parents have to save and stint and deny themselves many things they would like to have, just in order to be able to secure the bare necessities for their young ones. Love demands many sacrifices. But it is also rich in blessings for those who realize the true meaning of Christian charity. They need only to turn their eyes to the crucifix on the wall in their home and remember that Christ sacrificed Himself for love of us, even unto death upon the Cross.
With this imprint of God’s love upon their hearts, young couples embarking upon marriage have nothing to fear as long as they keep the Divine Commandments and the precepts of the Church. Their marriage will be blessed and joyful. It will not “go on the rocks” because it will be built upon the unshakable rock of faith and sacramental grace.
When young Tobias feared to take Sara as his wife because of what he had heard about the others who had married her, the Angel Raphael assured him: “Hear me, and I will show thee who they are over whom the devil can prevail. For they who in such manner receive matrimony as to shut out God from themselves, and from their mind, and to give themselves to their lust, as the horse and mule, which have not understanding, over them the devil hath power”. (Tob. 6:16-17)
Thus, married couples should remember that their most beautiful and most elevating duty toward each other is to provide not only for each other’s earthly welfare, but also for each other’s eternal welfare. Marriage can be a means of sanctification, and it is a great joy for a married couple, as they grow older, to be able to say that they have helped each other attain everlasting happiness. Toward the end of life, the wife might say to her husband, “I want to thank you for loving me and providing so well for me in all things.” And the husband could return the compliment and say, “I have to thank you for being such an understanding wife and for making our home so pleasant.” But the greatest joy of all will come in Heaven, when they can say to each other, “I have you to thank for helping me gain eternal life. I am grateful to you for keeping my soul safe for God.”
It’s interesting, to say the least and for me, that this is almost verbatim what my mother answered when I asked her what attracted her to Dad and what before Dad was she looking for in a husband. To get her to heaven. I thought she had achieved that with her oldest child. Obviously I was wrong.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
Marriage Part III
Marital Obedience
Now this will really tick some people off. But I’ve never really cared about being PC. I DO care about Truth. And my experience has related well with the following from the same pamphlet I’ve quoted in Part II.
“Saint Paul, in his Epistle to the Ephesians, gave divinely inspired advice for happiness in marriage, writing, ‘Let women be subject to their husbands, as to the Lord: because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. He is the savior of his body. Therefore as the church is subject to Christ, so also let the wives be to their husbands in all things.” (Eph. 5:22-24—I find it very interesting that this passage of the New Testament is rarely, if ever, preached on from the pulpit. I think there is one main reason. That it is not understood. The second reason is that it is incendiary. Truth cannot be negotiated or patronized. Sometimes language gets in the way but on the whole it is Truth that people want to hear—and hear they must at oftentimes a great cost, i.e. change of life style, behavior, confrontation of self, etc.)
Most modern brides resent the idea of being subject or obedient to their husbands. But let them stop to consider this calmly. This idea is not “old-fashioned.” Rather, it is ancient, as ancient as the very creation of the world, and God Himself is the author of it. Where there is harmony, there is law and order. The man leads, the woman follows—carrying with her, like an alabaster box of precious ointment, the secret wisdom of her heart. And a woman is truly wise who recognizes the necessity of man, as husband and father, being the head of the family. When a woman usurps a place that is not hers by right of nature, disorder and discord work havoc in that household. A man’s natural reaction, if his wife will not let him exercise his prerogative of being the head of the family, is to slip out from under the yoke, and let her carry both her burden and his!
Sara followed Tobias (in the Old Testament if you didn’t know what this passage was referring to) without a murmur into a strange land, far from the house of her childhood. Centuries later, the Mother of Our Lord, Mary Immaculate, set an example of obedience and humility for all wives and mothers in ages to come when she followed St. Joseph—to Bethlehem, to Egypt and again to Nazareth—without a question, without arguing or complaining, accepting the part assigned to her by the Divine Will.
Perhaps someone may quickly protest, “These men were Saints. My husband is far from being a Saint!” Obedience and submission in a wife, is not to be confused with downright slavery or servitude to an unworthy husband. For, as St. Paul said, “The husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church.” (Eph. 5:23) From this we are to understand that the wife obeys her husband for the sake of Christ and she obeys him only in those things that Christ approves or that Christ permits. Consequently, the husband cannot order her around just as he pleases, nor can he expect her to cater to every one of his whims and fancies. Christ would not approve of that. (Why? Because He came as servant to us all, even commanding his apostles that if they wanted to be first in heaven then they needed to serve, to be the lowest.)
Just as it is in no way humiliating for the Church to obey Christ, so also it should be in no way humiliating for the wife to obey her husband. Besides, this admonition, if borne in mind before marriage, would prevent many a young girl from rushing into an unsuitable marriage (and for that matter a guy as well. For our natural instinct is not to serve but to be served). For she would stop to consider whether the man she expects to marry actually has the qualities of character which merit her lifelong respect and obedience.
In the same Epistle, St. Paul instructs husbands to love their wives “as Christ also loved the Church, and delivered himself up for it: that he might sanctify if.” (Eph. 5:25-26) The husband must love his wife and show the same boundless and self-sacrificing devotion for her that Christ showed for the Church, even to the extent of gladly giving up his own life for her, if need be. If the husband shows this love and lives up to this side of the contract, the wife will not have any difficulty in keeping her love and respect for him.”
Another couple of caveats: I have found in my life that there are basically two elements that Marilyn wants from me—she wants to feel that she is loved first and primarily, and secondly, she wants to feel protected. Through reason, and the gals that I dated in prehistoric times, I think the same applies to most of society today. Through business I have come in contact with many people—half of them women. It’s amazing to me the comments that have come from these gals, mostly older, that they actually like having doors opened for them, having dinner made for them, in short, doing guy things for them. And guys also like gals doing gal things for them.
Recently I was at a St. Paddy’s Day celebration and was talking to a couple of one of my son’s friends. I asked in their dating life was there any romance. Both of them looked up at me at the very same time and said the very same thing, “No”. And I thought how very sad. If Christ is the very glue that holds marriages together, then ‘romance’ is, to some degree, the tinsel strength of that glue—which is also of Christ. I would put money on it that no one has thought of Christ as a romantic. But He is, He is!
Now this will really tick some people off. But I’ve never really cared about being PC. I DO care about Truth. And my experience has related well with the following from the same pamphlet I’ve quoted in Part II.
“Saint Paul, in his Epistle to the Ephesians, gave divinely inspired advice for happiness in marriage, writing, ‘Let women be subject to their husbands, as to the Lord: because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. He is the savior of his body. Therefore as the church is subject to Christ, so also let the wives be to their husbands in all things.” (Eph. 5:22-24—I find it very interesting that this passage of the New Testament is rarely, if ever, preached on from the pulpit. I think there is one main reason. That it is not understood. The second reason is that it is incendiary. Truth cannot be negotiated or patronized. Sometimes language gets in the way but on the whole it is Truth that people want to hear—and hear they must at oftentimes a great cost, i.e. change of life style, behavior, confrontation of self, etc.)
Most modern brides resent the idea of being subject or obedient to their husbands. But let them stop to consider this calmly. This idea is not “old-fashioned.” Rather, it is ancient, as ancient as the very creation of the world, and God Himself is the author of it. Where there is harmony, there is law and order. The man leads, the woman follows—carrying with her, like an alabaster box of precious ointment, the secret wisdom of her heart. And a woman is truly wise who recognizes the necessity of man, as husband and father, being the head of the family. When a woman usurps a place that is not hers by right of nature, disorder and discord work havoc in that household. A man’s natural reaction, if his wife will not let him exercise his prerogative of being the head of the family, is to slip out from under the yoke, and let her carry both her burden and his!
Sara followed Tobias (in the Old Testament if you didn’t know what this passage was referring to) without a murmur into a strange land, far from the house of her childhood. Centuries later, the Mother of Our Lord, Mary Immaculate, set an example of obedience and humility for all wives and mothers in ages to come when she followed St. Joseph—to Bethlehem, to Egypt and again to Nazareth—without a question, without arguing or complaining, accepting the part assigned to her by the Divine Will.
Perhaps someone may quickly protest, “These men were Saints. My husband is far from being a Saint!” Obedience and submission in a wife, is not to be confused with downright slavery or servitude to an unworthy husband. For, as St. Paul said, “The husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church.” (Eph. 5:23) From this we are to understand that the wife obeys her husband for the sake of Christ and she obeys him only in those things that Christ approves or that Christ permits. Consequently, the husband cannot order her around just as he pleases, nor can he expect her to cater to every one of his whims and fancies. Christ would not approve of that. (Why? Because He came as servant to us all, even commanding his apostles that if they wanted to be first in heaven then they needed to serve, to be the lowest.)
Just as it is in no way humiliating for the Church to obey Christ, so also it should be in no way humiliating for the wife to obey her husband. Besides, this admonition, if borne in mind before marriage, would prevent many a young girl from rushing into an unsuitable marriage (and for that matter a guy as well. For our natural instinct is not to serve but to be served). For she would stop to consider whether the man she expects to marry actually has the qualities of character which merit her lifelong respect and obedience.
In the same Epistle, St. Paul instructs husbands to love their wives “as Christ also loved the Church, and delivered himself up for it: that he might sanctify if.” (Eph. 5:25-26) The husband must love his wife and show the same boundless and self-sacrificing devotion for her that Christ showed for the Church, even to the extent of gladly giving up his own life for her, if need be. If the husband shows this love and lives up to this side of the contract, the wife will not have any difficulty in keeping her love and respect for him.”
Another couple of caveats: I have found in my life that there are basically two elements that Marilyn wants from me—she wants to feel that she is loved first and primarily, and secondly, she wants to feel protected. Through reason, and the gals that I dated in prehistoric times, I think the same applies to most of society today. Through business I have come in contact with many people—half of them women. It’s amazing to me the comments that have come from these gals, mostly older, that they actually like having doors opened for them, having dinner made for them, in short, doing guy things for them. And guys also like gals doing gal things for them.
Recently I was at a St. Paddy’s Day celebration and was talking to a couple of one of my son’s friends. I asked in their dating life was there any romance. Both of them looked up at me at the very same time and said the very same thing, “No”. And I thought how very sad. If Christ is the very glue that holds marriages together, then ‘romance’ is, to some degree, the tinsel strength of that glue—which is also of Christ. I would put money on it that no one has thought of Christ as a romantic. But He is, He is!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
On Marriage Part II
Happiness in Marriage
Why is marriage so important? Why do people want to get married? It seems anymore, with a divorce rate well over fifty percent and a large number of people living together, without the benefit of marriage, there seems to be a ‘throw away’ attitude of not seeing the ‘value’ of marriage.
I came across a pamphlet years ago of which I’m going to relate, in part, verbatim:
‘Ask any young couple today why they want to get married and practically without exception the answer will be, “We want to be happy.” They are right. Marriage should bring them happiness. But are they sure they know what happiness means and how to find it? If marriage is to result in happiness and contentment, it must be prepared for just as any vocation or state in life. Preparation for marriage, or any other calling in life, out to begin in early childhood, because such preparation is part of the general training to meet one’s problems I life. In particular, the cultivation of certain personality traits is important as a preparation for marriage to insure harmony and peaceful order in the family.
The first of these traits is self-control and self-sacrifice. Happiness in marriage requires that two people, two individual personalities, learn too adjust to each other. This can be achieved mainly by the constancy with which they show patience, consideration and forbearance for each other. Naturally, this means that each must deny himself and sacrifice some of his wishes. One of the biggest tragedies in married life results from the fact that one or both of the parties have not learned to respect the wishes and the rights of others. It is only through unselfish love that happiness can be hoped for in marriage.
It is equally important, as part of one’s preparation for marriage, to be trained in simplicity; in other words, to know how to enjoy the simple things of life, how to be satisfied with little, and how to manage on a small income, if necessary. Financial problems are frequently a great source of trouble in married life, but the situation becomes disastrous only when the married couple does not want to or know how to live within their means. Young people with a modest income who dream about two-carat diamond rings, expensive cars and clothes and vacations, are certainly not going to find much happiness in marriage. They refuse to realize that the family budget must be made to fit the actual income. On the other hand, if a young couple has been trained to appreciate the simple things of life, if they have been trained to be thrifty and to enjoy work, they can safely venture into marriage, even on a modest income.
A third essential preparation for a happy marriage is training in chastity. Whatever a person’s moral background may be, whether be is a Catholic, a non-Catholic or even a modern pagan, no one will deny the fact that a youth spent in moral chastity and continence is a solid foundation for a happy marriage. Conversely, a dissolute youth spent in violation of the Sixth commandment is frequently one of the greatest causes of misery and tragedy in married life. The best, common-sense way to assure sexual health and happiness after marriage is to live purely before marriage. This is a recognized fact. Furthermore, the spiritual strength one acquires in the struggle for chastity will serve in good stead after marriage at those times when self-control and forbearance are necessary.”
A couple of caveats: one of the best lines I’ve ever heard in regards to the above mentioned paragraph on “finances” came from my mother-in-law when my father-in-law confronted her about writing checks when there was no money in the checking account. Her response was, “…well then put more money in the checking account.” Seems obvious to me.
But in all seriousness, I have to admit that there are times when there is ‘no money’ to put into the checking account. And yet, looking back on my married life, they were some of the most wonderful times in our life together. I hear from so many young people today that they can’t get married because their careers haven’t kicked into high gear, or they don’t have a house, or they want to see the world. All those things have happened to Marilyn and me, together, in spades. There is nothing like being down to your last four or five bucks and you decide that you’d rather spend the money on a relatively inexpensive bottle of wine, with candles lit on your only piece of furniture—a piano bench (yes there was a piano with it but it was an upright) and you were both happy. Live simply.
Why is marriage so important? Why do people want to get married? It seems anymore, with a divorce rate well over fifty percent and a large number of people living together, without the benefit of marriage, there seems to be a ‘throw away’ attitude of not seeing the ‘value’ of marriage.
I came across a pamphlet years ago of which I’m going to relate, in part, verbatim:
‘Ask any young couple today why they want to get married and practically without exception the answer will be, “We want to be happy.” They are right. Marriage should bring them happiness. But are they sure they know what happiness means and how to find it? If marriage is to result in happiness and contentment, it must be prepared for just as any vocation or state in life. Preparation for marriage, or any other calling in life, out to begin in early childhood, because such preparation is part of the general training to meet one’s problems I life. In particular, the cultivation of certain personality traits is important as a preparation for marriage to insure harmony and peaceful order in the family.
The first of these traits is self-control and self-sacrifice. Happiness in marriage requires that two people, two individual personalities, learn too adjust to each other. This can be achieved mainly by the constancy with which they show patience, consideration and forbearance for each other. Naturally, this means that each must deny himself and sacrifice some of his wishes. One of the biggest tragedies in married life results from the fact that one or both of the parties have not learned to respect the wishes and the rights of others. It is only through unselfish love that happiness can be hoped for in marriage.
It is equally important, as part of one’s preparation for marriage, to be trained in simplicity; in other words, to know how to enjoy the simple things of life, how to be satisfied with little, and how to manage on a small income, if necessary. Financial problems are frequently a great source of trouble in married life, but the situation becomes disastrous only when the married couple does not want to or know how to live within their means. Young people with a modest income who dream about two-carat diamond rings, expensive cars and clothes and vacations, are certainly not going to find much happiness in marriage. They refuse to realize that the family budget must be made to fit the actual income. On the other hand, if a young couple has been trained to appreciate the simple things of life, if they have been trained to be thrifty and to enjoy work, they can safely venture into marriage, even on a modest income.
A third essential preparation for a happy marriage is training in chastity. Whatever a person’s moral background may be, whether be is a Catholic, a non-Catholic or even a modern pagan, no one will deny the fact that a youth spent in moral chastity and continence is a solid foundation for a happy marriage. Conversely, a dissolute youth spent in violation of the Sixth commandment is frequently one of the greatest causes of misery and tragedy in married life. The best, common-sense way to assure sexual health and happiness after marriage is to live purely before marriage. This is a recognized fact. Furthermore, the spiritual strength one acquires in the struggle for chastity will serve in good stead after marriage at those times when self-control and forbearance are necessary.”
A couple of caveats: one of the best lines I’ve ever heard in regards to the above mentioned paragraph on “finances” came from my mother-in-law when my father-in-law confronted her about writing checks when there was no money in the checking account. Her response was, “…well then put more money in the checking account.” Seems obvious to me.
But in all seriousness, I have to admit that there are times when there is ‘no money’ to put into the checking account. And yet, looking back on my married life, they were some of the most wonderful times in our life together. I hear from so many young people today that they can’t get married because their careers haven’t kicked into high gear, or they don’t have a house, or they want to see the world. All those things have happened to Marilyn and me, together, in spades. There is nothing like being down to your last four or five bucks and you decide that you’d rather spend the money on a relatively inexpensive bottle of wine, with candles lit on your only piece of furniture—a piano bench (yes there was a piano with it but it was an upright) and you were both happy. Live simply.
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